Oh to be young and feel love s keen stings
by ReclaimMyPlace
Summary: When Snape teach Harry occlumency, he sees some things that makes him mad with desperation. He can t hold his emotions in any longer.


**Hiya´ll ! Here is a little something I came up with in the late night hours! **

**I warn you though! It´s boy/Boy slash! If you don´t like it, don´t read it! **

**And I have no beta and I´ll probalby never be able to get one, so you better get used to my bad "swedish like english writing" lol. :P**

"Potter, get in here"

The dark voice broke the silence in the night.

And the wild-haired boy entered the room, which the voice came from, and let his gaze wander across the room.

A candle was lit on the table, and the flame shook slightly when the door shut closed.

In the corner of the room stood a man.

The dull light was reflected in the man´s hair which reached to his broad shoulders.

His nose was crooked and his eyes dark but deep.

The boy rested his eyes on that pale face, and found himself intrigued at the intense gaze he was captive in.

It was like they challenge him to move without their permission.

The tension grew in the room, but everything was still.

It seemed the green beat the black when the dark voice was heard once more from the corner.

"Sit down, Potter" It hissed.

He did. No one could ever disobey that voice.

Once the boy was seated, the tall figure stepped out of the shadows, and walked pass him, but as he did, he let the tip of his wand stroke the back of the boy´s neck

It was intimidating as much as pleasant.

The man glared at him for a long while before he spoke.

"Dumbledore told me I was to teach you occlumency. In other words, I am going to _penetrate_ your mind, and you´re going to try and stop me."

The way he pronounced that one word, made the boy uneasy, and it felt like he was mocked by the man.

He couldn´t find anything else to say than; "Okay, hit me."

The man cocked one eyebrown.

"I attend to" He said then he waved his wand at the boy and it wasn´t until then, that he realized that he had some really private stuff in there, and he _didn´t_ want that git to see them.

Not anyone really.

He tried as hard as he could, but it only made him think of what he didn´t want to show to the man even more.

_**Vision**_

"_Harry, I´ve missed you so much"_

_Sirius embraced the young man with a huge grin on his face, he patted his back and then let go a little to late._

_The boy laughed and looked at him happily._

"_Ah, you look so much like James when you laugh. He had such a sexy laugh." _

_Sirius looked dreamingly into the horizon for a second or two, then seemed to realized what he had said, and gave Harry a excusing glance. _

"_You... Liked my father?" Harry asked._

_Sirius looked at him indifferently then shrugged._

"_Yeeaah... Yeah I did." Then he grinned again._

_They looked at eachother for a while._

_Harry suprised, and Sirius thoughtful. _

_Then Sirius reached a hand out at Harry´s cheek and stroked it lightly with his thumb._

_Harry leaned into the hand and closed his eyes._

"_Do you like me?" Harry whispered without opening his eyes._

_Sirius pressed his lips against the boy´s and gripped his neck gently and moved the other hand down to the end of Harry´s back._

_When Harry gasped for air and thereby pulling away from the kiss, Sirius leaned his forehead against Harry´s and looked him in the eyes._

"_Yeah, I do."_

_**vision end**_

Harry felt like he was swooped out a black hole, when he the vision ended, he wasn´t sure why it had ended, though, he knew he hadn´t done it, he looked up and saw Snape gripping the desk so hard his knuckles went white. He was panting and his body trembling. With what? Disgust? Anger?

He seemed angry. His otherwise pale, blank face was wrinkled in pure rage. But what was he angry about? Because of disgust of seeing a guy kissing another guy? Or, was there... something else?

"_Always._ He _always_ get what he wants. He _always _win." He mumbled.

Harry rose slowly from the chair and took a couple steps closer to Snape.

"Sir...?" Harry said, but Snape didn´t hear him, he looked like a maniac, he was sweating and his eyes was flacking from side to side.

"I can´t let him win, I can´t. I can´t... No." Snape messed.

Then he turned around suddenly and pinned Harry´s body to the floor as he straddled him.

"What are you doing!" Harry screamed and tried to get loose from the strong hands holding him down.

"I´m doing what I should have done several years ago." the man said with a hoarse voice, as he took off Harry´s robe, and unzipping his pants.

The realization was shown on Harry´s face. He went pale, his eyes widened in a expression of horror.

The man´s cold hands brushed Harry´s sides and then he impatiently jerked the boy´s shirt of.

He took advantage of the gasp the boy had let out at his cold touch and slid his tongue inside those innocent and slightly trembling lips.

Harry tried to pull away from the violent kiss, but Snape grabbed his chin harshly and forced him to part his lips again.

His strokes felt like deep cuts in his skin and he felt suffocated. _Let me go!_

Snape didn´t see the silent protest on the boy´s face, didn´t hear his pleas. He didn´t _want_ to hear.

He was desperate. He had waited for so long. He had done it just for Harry´s sake. He had waited for a more appropriate age. But it seemed Black didn´t think in the same lines. Snape had waited for _to_ long. Someone else had claimed Harry, and he didn´t want that to happen, he had been beaten by Black to many times. First with James, now with Harry. He couldn´t allow it.

_Let me go... Let me go... Let me go... Let me go. _

The pleas started out as whispers, but was now terrified screams.

His hands clenched to fists as he started hitting the cloaked back, and kicking his legs to prevent the man to go any further, but was unsuccessful.

Long fingers gripped his thighs and spread his legs.

A last pleading glance at the black eyes. _Please no. Don´t. _But the eyes was blank. He met only numbness.

_The pain._

His inside was pounding, the stone floor tore his back as the man repeatedly thrusted into him.

The light from the candle flickered ominously, like it was symbolizing his feelings.

He shut his eyes. He couldn´t watch.

Still tears streamed down his face and whimpers was heard between clenched teeth.

_The pain._

He gripped the back of the man´s robes to compress some of the pain, but it only made the man stab him deeper within, and he couldn´t bare no more.

Two screams was heard. Anguish and Pleasure, united to one.

Everything went white and it was over.

The boy opened his eyes and was alone. His naked self was covered with a cloak as if to hide his bruised and shattered body.

Every inch of him pounded - his mind a chaos of thoughts and memories. _The pain. _

But the light on the candle was now swaying peacefully, like nothing had happened.

The stillness and the silence was unbearable. Was it mocking him?

He started quivering but rose up, one hand holding up the cloak around his shoulders, the other one reaching for his wand. With one sway of his hand, the candlelight was extinguished and the darkness pressed down on him.

He leaned to the wall, his legs suddenly losing strength.

He heard a tortured scream and then laughter.

Pictures of a dark room, shelves filled with orbs, two men.

Voices.

"_Give it to me." _

"Over my dead body!"

"_Yes, we´ll get to that, but first, you shall give me what I want"_

"NEVER!"

"_Crucio!"_

"SIRUIS!" Harry reached out to protect the man he loves, but instead falls down on his knees back in the room where his clothes was spread across the floor. _ I must save him._

**So , what do you think? I seem to have some kind of fascination with rapes xD Sorry bout´ that. But I promise, it´ll get better, I had this idea, but I kinda had to start somewhere, and well, it need to be like this! But review and all! I don´t find myself psyched to write another chapter if I don´t get any respond, casue I can see when you have read my stories, and put it to favorites and such, but don´t rewiev. My face goes like this. "C: ... :D ...:)...:| ... : :'C  
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